Ambiguous

Everyone seems to be moving there...
Includes Solitude is Bliss by Tame Impala (probably the best Australian band ever).

But not anymore.

Featuring Matthew Horne, Michael Sharp, Asia Kennedy, Jesse Wickham, Obama, The Flaming Lips, The Dead Weather. Picture by Josh Stewart.

Yuo is a Homosexual, written by Sean Crist.
The Cast:
Narrator - Pitch Black
Yuo - Matthew Horne
Father - Grandpa Jimmy
Mother - Lucy Leslie
Sue - Rachel Rhodez
Fireman - Sam Mulgrew
Officer Plotchnik - Oliver Ranson
Possible Pedofile - Michael Sharp
Driver - Tim Jansen
Hotline Operator - Evan Phillips
Dr. Goldenberg - Dr. Paul Butler
Homophobic Children - Fiona Browne, Lilly Peacocke, Tim Jansen, Pitch Black, Michael Sharp, Sam Mulgrew, Ross Deans, Matthew Horne.

Guest Podcast 3: Matthew Horne.
Say however you feel, say whats in your heart. Unleash the beast to your inner gasm. Spunk to the funk and get on the junk……. Touch me, oooooh. Try coming down now RUFUS! Woah! MUSHROOM WARS, French fries. Blue cheese whizz for diz, eat the kidz. INVADE THE BLUFF. Skirmish the firmest tits and nuzzle the cooch. Dansk en Hooch… vamanos vamanos….

Well, well, well, sick. Happy New Year.

Now with extra wind!

My first and only passover special!
Staring:
James Mauger as The Narrator
Rebecca Mason-Melrose as Mary
Pitch Black as Joseph
Mike Sharp as Jesus
Even Phillips as The Innkeeper
Nara Phillips as Elizabeth
Matthew Horne as John
Sam Shaw as Doctor #1
Harry Shaw as Doctor #2
On the off chance you are Jewish, have a great religious holiday!

This podcast is about the biggest ego trip ever. Thanks for coming.

Smoking. I've had a few days where I smoked and I was all short of breath and shit. Don't smoke. I've been working on this podcast over the last few years, the earliest recording on this podcast is from April of 2006 around the time I was posting my fourth episode. The part which was recorded at the party with Holly and Karl was actually the same party that featured in 'A Sample or 3'. I have a lot of friends who smoke and I can honestly say that I don't but it can be good with a nice coffee or outside at 1 in the morning after a few beers. It really comes down to choice and if that's what you're into... you're gonna die.

Please do not be alarmed, I have been waiting and have just realised that it has been... much too long.
See you soon,
Sweet Dreams.

Guest podcast 2: Alastair Mckenzie and Emma Renouf Some insightful words from your pals Al & Em.

In a dark little world,
A dark little place,
Lives a dark little man
With a dark little face.
The color’s not black
But dark as can be,
In a dark little world
Dark is all you can see.
In his dark little heart,
With his dark little soul,
There is a place with a light
At the end of a hole,
But there is no light
No light in his heart
It’s ever so lonely
In the dark.

Guest podcast 1: Grandpa Jimmy.
Nineteen Forty.
Contributions from Ed Murrow, and Vera Lynn.

This is dedicated to my good friend and ex-flatty Mark. He is now living all his dreams with all the ladies... in the sunshine coast. Bom Bom.

As much as there is to say about him it's better just to watch and listen. Thanks for all the good times Michael, I always had faith.

3rd Anniversary. Boom.

For some reason every St. Patrick's day we discuss the baser things in life and let loose a little. Just be glad it's edited. I sure am.

What?!? No! Ol' Father Time is licking my skin and kidneys.

Can you smell it?

All of ya'll ad betta stop smoking all dat wack shit yo,
Coz itz rotten ur bRaIns like a mofo
nd treaing yo mamma wrong,
All ya lil retards drop da fukin bong.

But seriously (because that's what this show is all about) I do have a heart (and quite possibly a soul) and that being the case, this episode is for everyone who has a child; Go and raid their rooms, if you smoke it then it can't hurt them.

On a more serious note, this podcast is dedicated to my young friend Eddy. You may be a fucking bum but you still owe me $400.
Pitch.

Don't do it kids. It will make you go blind and make you worship the devil and make you into the wrong type of person.
But seriously, it will turn your brain into slush.
Dedicated to my younger self, you made me who I am today.

When James comes home, yeah,
We gonna have a party, yeah,
When James comes home, yeah,
This party's getting started here.
Just rock it, what what,
Rock it, yeah,
Just rock it, what what,
Just rock it, yeah.

The Rhythm and Vines diaries, Ulysses - Franz Ferdinand and the rules for Anger. It's a bit of a mixed bag.
Note that 'Anger' can and should be played with a shoe. Arab styles.

Well well well. I'm still here.

In the tradition of saying one thing and doing the other I present the second Ambiguous Christmas special staring:
James Mauger as the Narrator,
Rebecca Mason-Melrose as Mary
Pitch Black as Joseph
Sally Mason-Melrose as Gabriel
Oliver Ranson as Nameless angel
John Coady as Nice Inn Keeper
Even Phillips as Not So Nice Inn Keeper.
Have a merry Christmas no matter who you are. See you next year,
Pitch.

When you record at parties sometime you get some great clips. Just clips mind you, not whole segments. These clips need to be spliced with extra bits of footage that you had sitting, waiting for use that you can now be done with and not use again until you really run out of ideas and make episodes featuring other episodes.
For your aural pleasure,
Pitch.

If you have or witness an emergency please follow instructions and dial one of these numbers.
For New Zealand dial 111 (or 911)
For Australia dial 000
For the United States dial 911
For South Africa dial 112
For Spain dial 532
For Italy dial 112
For Greece dial 100
For Israel dial 100
For France dial 17
For Germany dial 112
For Romaina dial 961
For Russia dial 051
For Poland dial 997
For Denmark dial 112
For Sweden dial 112
For the United Kingdom dial 999
For Iceland dial 0112
For Canada dial 911
For Mexico dial 08
For Jamaica dial 119
For Japan dial 110
For Philippines dial 117
For Thailand dial 191
For Columbia dial 123
For Brazil dial 190
For Argentina dial 101
Know where you are and know how to get help.

3 Religions. It works quite simply if you look at it that way. So many other religions out there, perhaps more interesting than the 5 mentioned. Perhaps we will discuss them one day, you and I. Perhaps.

Christianity. Zombies, cannibals and robots. Pretty popular from what I've seen. Jesus rocks hard core tasty abs washer-board style. You know he totally does.

Islam. Lots of people hate on Islam... Just look on the internet. It's sad really. A few bad apples spoil the bunch and more importantly a few bad apples leads to mass propaganda.
Peace.
Please.

Yaaaaaarr! That be all for now.

I really should have popped a cap in the ass of this podcast. What does that even mean?

Take the time to spell this Xmas. The children depend on it.

A walk in the park with 2 Songs, a bad conversation while on Drugs and Vagina shaving.

...9 rebmuN

It's winter. It's cold. It sucks.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone...

Have fun.

Q: Has it really been two years?
A: Yes
I don't really hate my first podcast, it was just a bit boring.

I'm getting older. I'm getting more hairy.

Interview 10: ME. This is Pitch Black. It's dark.

Haha! No but that clip was just weird. It's a good podcast though. Almost too good. Better than 'Snack Bar' anyway. What you don't know you can't remember, so I'm just not going to tell you anymore. Subscribe here: http://childrensclassichour.podomatic.com/

Shameless.

Recycled garbage. Haha!

It's all about starving, resisting and angry. It's Ambiguous. Keep it chaste.

To anyone who reads this, you should rejoice! I am coming up with a bunch of new content for your emjoyment very soon. This podcast doesn't make a lot of sense but thats only because the stupid spam I recieve is pointlessly meaningless. The count down begins... 9 to go.

Look out for it in your local butchery.

That's right. It's my new years podcast. Strangely it feels more like one of my older ones. This year I'm voating for world peace. I don't care who you are or what you think. Just stop the violence and hate. We are all equal despite what people say and we all need to be loved. So this year is my year of world love. 2009 is going to be like a race car, but let's make 2008 like a muove tinted dream.

...Coz it's uncut! (Fuck I make myself joke!)

Keep falling on my head...

It's experimental.

Computer is shit. Bare with me.

Time to light Guy on fire. That's right. Burn the traitor.

Interview 9: I guess of all the words I have in my vocabulary 'Alastair' would be one hundred and eighty first (after 'Alas'). That really doesn't sum him up as a person though. He's kind, compasionate and is great with kids. Dashing good looks and a car. Sound good? I think so. Just don't spell his name wrong.

Rewiew: It is what it claims to be. A rare thing.

Next Week: Alistar McKenzie

Interview 8: A doctor on a podcast. Orignal yes? This man is an actual doctor. You can tell by his knowledge of poisons. Is it intresting? Is it not so intresting? You be the judge!

Interview 7: You know why it took so long? It's because he didn't want to talk to me. Lame excuse. We gel like water and flower. This is Oliver Ranson. Or whatever.

Next Week: Paul Butler

Interview 6: The first ever commentary on a audio podcast? I don't know but if it's not then prove it! Karl has been featured a few times on Ambiguous and I have been lucky to work with such a special person. Very special.

Next Week: Oliver Ranson

Interview 5: This is probably the most original thing I have ever done. Seriously. Oh boy did we have fun recording this... Well he did and then I did about a year later. This is my tangy extra.

Next Week: Karl Bartleet

Intermission: Yeah... It's not an interview. I didn't intend on it being one... Why do you think I didn't say 'Next Week: ... '? Dam straight.

Next Week: James Mauger

Interview 4: Morgana. She can take your mind and run half way down the street with it before you even know her name. English girls eh...

Interview 3: This is one hell of a man. He likes his cows fed on grass. He has been hanging at my crib since 2006... And now he lives in the garage. Give it up for the King.

Next Week: Morgana Brewer

Interview 2: What is there to say about this podcast? Michael is the most immature person that I know. We enjoy each other. He does love black lesbians with A.I.D.S.

Next Week: Vernon King

Interview 1: Gab is a very old friend of mine from back before I was even at high school. I gotta love the girl and she has given me a lot of support over the years.

Next Week: Michael Sharp

I do know the words. Touch it, Bring it, Babe, Watch it, Turn it, Leave it, Stop, Format it. See. From now Ambiguous will be totally interview based until the last two or three episodes. This is truly the beginning of the end.

The last two posts were so bad I decided to delete them and make them into one really bad podcast. It will be the last of it's kind. Honest.

Ambiguous.

Part 1: How the Smo got its Orange tree back from the Mycenaean

Once upon a time there lived a Smo, and did it grow and grow and grow? NO! The Smo was a loving little beast with a mane, small sharp fangs and a body that resembled a tiger. The Smo had a little nose and a big big grin. Smo had lots of friends, which it played with on a regular a basis.

One day when Smo was romping the Forest of Salads it came across a very small book by the name of ‘Martha and the Disappearing Vase’ which when read actually had nothing to do with Martha or a Disappearing Vase. It was a small book of strange rhymes. Some of them made sense like ‘The rain is a pain’ but others made no sense what so ever like ‘Where did the corn get shawn?’ and others didn’t even have English words e.g. ‘We met at the high school bool’. All this was rather confusing to Smo and so it continued its journey into the Forest of Salads to search for Lancoome, the second best friend of Smo and also the tallest. Neither of these details had much to do with the story because Lancoome had actually taken a vacation to the tropical island of Banana where it could not be reached even by long distance yelling.

Smo didn’t speak a language and communicated to its friends through a series of acute nods of its head and the occasional bulge of eyes. This made it difficult to have a good conversation with and so Smo was shunned by the more evolved beings such as the Honingus and the Ursulartior which had refined their communication skills down to yawns and grunts and considered head nodding very primitive indeed.

Many stories have a plot. This can be a confusing addition and so this story has none. This paragraph was put in to explain this, and with that in mind the next paragraph is paramount.

Smo was visiting the republic of Tangelea when a civil war broke out. This made Smo think twice before visiting Tangelea again.

While Lancoome was on Bananas it made an amazing discovery; the only way that the Argulians could survive the following month was (as usual) make a sacrifice to the god of existence (called Quibi). This was (on average) discovered by one of the Argulians about once a month and they (being the noble race they were) often took their own lives in an attempt to save the rest of their kind. Sadly for Old Rakoko, Lancoome was a very confused Argu and decided that Old Rakoko would appease Quibi and that the Argulians would be safe for another month. It was only after seventeen successive sacrifices that Lancoome realized what he had done and turned himself over to the authorities.

Smo had never been in love. It turned out this was because it had never realized that love existed. So Smo didn’t know it hadn’t been in love and therefore felt no worse the wear for it.

Smo got it’s name changed by deed poll to Peter, but every one (much to Peter’s dismay) refused to call Peter Peter and so Peter reverted back to the name Smo (which suited it better anyway).

Part 2. In which Smo encounters a large supply of bricks.

So Smo was prowling its native Forest, The Forest of Carpet when it came upon the largest most astounding Elephant it had ever seen. This was perhaps because Smo had only ever seen an Elephant in a book of legends or perhaps because it was at least 20 feet tall. This Elephant looked at Smo and Smo looked at the Elephant and the Elephant looked at Smo looking at the Elephant, which was being closely watched by Smo who was watching the Elephant quite closely by this time. Smo attempted to make contact with the Elephant by bulging it’s eyes and nodding it’s head rapidly, to witch the Elephant’s reaction was to walk backwards slowly and trying t find a safe place in which it could go about the usual business of Elephants.

Smo often wondered what had happened to the Elephant. It never saw it fall backwards into the pit of eternal dark grayness because all of the Smo’s blood had rushed suddenly to its head and it had fainted for at least twenty minutes. During these twenty or so minutes various other things had gone on in the world also, so important and some very tedious and some were neither tedious nor important but they had to be done because that’s what happens in the world.

We all decided that it would be better for the economy of the Forest of Carpet if there were fewer pineapples available for consumption around. As the Forest of Carpet was now the only place it was possible to cultivate such advanced hybrids, the mayor of the Forest of Carpet (Smo’s last living grandparent) could either sell them for stupendously high prices on a black market or they could milk it for tourism. They took the later option and now the tax rates are at an all time low.

That's right. I'm closing Ambiguous down. Not just yet mind you. Sit back and enjoy the last of the creativity I have left in my veins being spilled over the internet. 69 eh... I never even though I would make it to 20...

I feel that Ambiguous is slowly digressing. I am stuck. I don't know if I should stop the cast or if I should continue. If you really care about the podcast please email me. Letmetakeyoudown@gmail.com.

This may be the beginning of the end.

Boom pa chish, boom boom pa chish. Just keep your head down and do your work.

It's good. Now I am one. The second year is upon us.

A podcast about podcasting. I'm a podcaster and dam proud of it. WUU HA!

Sadly this podcast was cut short by my iPod dying on me... But this is what little I still have from this - uncut!!! - Ambiguous clip. Let's all get drunk.

On this day (18/03/07) last year, the podcast 'Snack Bar' was first posted. It was my good friend James Mauger's and an inspiration that lead to Ambiguous being created. So to James, thanks for the podcast that pushed me to create this. This is not a rip off. It is a tribute. An Ambiguous Tribute to 'Snack Bar'. Enjoy.

What an interesting name! Let's all fall down.

Arin is Rain spelled differently.

This is my good friend Gab. This is also her boy friend. This is also me. Maybe you can tell who is who. The one with an afro is not in this.

What you may or may not have been waiting for... My actual podcast. I'm 18, it's madnessly yellow and black. But thats how I like it. Marshmellos can only melt n the summer and all that glitters is not worth a lot on Amazon.com right now. Oh hahaha. Rinng - a - ting - torralay - ring - ring - a -tolly- aayyyy! You are.

This is to everybody else with a birthday on March 1st. Thanks NOFX.

If you wanna know where I got the sample, it was from: 'The Snack Bar', Episode 3: Beer and Mangos. Big ups to my man, Mix Master Short, who took a really bad piece of shit and made it look edible. This is my 18th birthday song. Serve cold.

Kia Ora all, yeah, I'm multicultural. This podcast was made when I was sad and re-edited when I was happy. You don't need to do the maths. It won't add up anyway.

This is the welcome to 2007 podcast, despite the fact that it is the 5th this year. Let's just ignore that fact and also the fact that the last podcast was not Jack the Confectionaire. Chapter 3 will be coming. If not this month then next month.... And if not then, some other time. But it is coming.

Pitch

The return of Ambiguous. Congratulations to my very good friend Gab who has just turned 21! I'm back for another year (I hope), and the reason that I haven't posted for a while is because I have been waiting on the next chapter to be finished... No longer! You will get it later in the year, but for now let us continue on to another exciting year of... AMBIGUOUS!

Well... The third chapter hasn't even been written to the best of my knowledge.... And yes, I realize it says 'The the'. It's all an elaborate scheme. You will die.

This is a short story, written and read by my good friend James. It's not 'story time' as such, more just a story that I like that I thought I could get James to read. See if it's your taste.

Tonight with me I produce the very special guest who many have called Karl and few have called a lamp post with a heavy metal problem. There is a reason for that. But here is my latest podcast for you.

Peace

A day we can all enjoy. Not like those other religious holidays. Have a very very merry boxing day everybody!

Merry Christmas! And to all none Christians... Merry 25th of December!

We made it. I thank you all. Here's to the next 50!

Do you?

Everything you wanted in a podcast... I don't even know. But I think the streets are falling is orignal. Just... Let it work. Or else nothing else ever will. But it could if you managed to separite the jelly and the pudding. Then we could use the anti-gravity gun and all eat our desert in sapce. LOVE - Pitch

So, #47 eh. Just a heads up, I will be deleting podcasts 1 - 24 by the time that 50 is up, so if you want the back catalogue, then get it while you can.

As always, Smile
Pitch

If you don't want to hear me cut myself don't listen to this. On the other hand if you want to hear me give my boring views about the world, carry on.

Er... I didn't do it. It was Aaron. God dammit it Aaron.

Whats going down? Wanna join the cru of Pitch? Follow the link: http://groups.myspace.com/westsideniggers

Thats right. My very own gang. Welcome to the WSN.

I felt with my gang leader status and all I would make this explicit. Mothers hide your children. FUCK FUCK FUCK! HELL YEAH. Nowhere is safe. Lets find it.

That's right! The same as the last one but it doesn't have the song at the end and it has a different picture! Oh my god... You should be paying for this.

Just kidding my beauties.

First off. It's no longer Helloween for me... But it is for some people. Man I'm scared of the big ghost... and that god dam dog... GET IT AWAY! Enjoy the Misfits.

The End

OOOO Man it's a funny one this.

Oh my god it moved!

Sorry it's a day late. I have been delayed.

How exciting.

I bet you were expecting this...

Part two of eight.

P.S. Cheers to who ever put me on 'Pod-Planet'. Appreciate it.

Read the title.

IT'S ALL TRUE. You do drugs and so does your dog!

Talks about 'Opperation 11, Code Red', shoes on my floor and not really that much. Jim had a go with the weird noises. Hell, why not?

Some people say funny things. IT'S A PIECE O' WOOD!!! Or simply things to do with a spool. Let these aid you on your voyage. The Doors. Experimental. I promise the next one will be normal again. That a promise.

So this is a combination of things. A little experimentation, a little complaining and a little dispelling. I know emos and I am not one. Dispite my name...

And I'm not talking Planet this time. If you don't like poetry then the second half of this isn't for you. Rumors about me being emo are un-founded. I have blond hair. Gosh. So stop the lies, lose the hate and give your favourite tree a big hug because trees don't get hugged as much as they would probilly like to. I also realise that I can't read poetry so next time I have a poem I will get someone else to read it okay?

Pitch

He's my hero! Save the world and become a Planeteer. Help spread the message of - Earth, Fire, Wind, Water and Heart. Hell YES!

Here it is. Part II. Keep it real ya'll!

This is a two part split. Half this week and half next. It's taken me this long but I have finally managed to get James into a studio and have a podcast with me. Remember guys, this is exclusive stuff! In other words James doesn't want it on the Snack Bar site because he is trying to make an awasome number 10. Big thanks to James for these. Respect.

Pitch

That 1/4 of 100! And you know what that means! I'm gonna pretend to make a big deal of it but it's not really. 50 will be the biggy. Anyway, if anyone actually did download the rogue video podcast this will be 26. But I took it down becuase it wasn't working very well. I have enjoyed making the podcast and I intend on continuing. It's confirmed, James Mauger of 'The Snack Bar' will be on number 26 & 27 so look out for those, coming over the next two weeks.
Have a good one.

Pitch

Um... Thats not entirly true. It was actually a cheap marketing ploy but now your sucked in you may as well listen.

Pitch

In the runcible way. I'm currently feeling the vibes of the runce. I may not be too explicit right now... But just you wait. I will say a naughty word. Keep listening and enjoy the lyric stylings by my main K-9 Snoop Dogg! Pimp in crib? Then DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT!

So, Fiji eh. This is Fiji Dairys Day 10. The last one. The end of the line and the end of an age for me. It wasn't just my trip that ended in Fiji. I will return to my normal podcast next week so here it is, the last of the Fiji Diarys. Enjoy.

Pitch Black

p.s. Is that a phallic tree or what?

Fine... It's getting boring! This is the second to last of the Fiji Diarys. It's Day 9 and it was a good day. Probbily one of the first.

Pitch Black

Fine... It's getting boring! This is the second to last of the Fiji Diarys. It's Day 9 and it was a good day. Probbily one of the first.

Pirch Black

The Funky Fish? The Bad Idea more like it. Welcome to Fiji Diarys Day 7. We now move to the beautiful and expencive Shangrila Fijian Resort. It's all good.

Pitch Black

It's short, but I will be making up for it after the Fiji Dairys. So sit back and enjoy Day 5 of the Fiji Diarys.

This is day 3 of The Fiji Diarys... In a serious of 10 days... And you can believe me again. That picture is the one mentioned in the podcast by the way.

Pitch Black

This is day 1 of 'Fiji Diarys', even though I say it's day two it's not. Don't believe me! These are pretty much just recoardings I made about my trip to Fiji and what it was like in the various places we stayed. Enjoy (or don't... your choice).

Pitch Black

So... This is my offical off haiatus pod-cast. I'm back. Having said this I won't be posting for two weeks. This has clips of Tom Morton, Oliver Ranson and Karl Bartleet. Oh and the picture is Karl. Enjoy you selfish nastards.

Sorry about the whole hiatus thing... So I will try being more regular. This is a serious episode. Sorry if you don't laugh.

It's not really that intreging, I just thought you might wonder...

Now thats a quick up-date. This is old stuff, I just thought I would throw it up (no pun intended), I just said I would so here it is... My pathetic singing. It's all orignal! (Doesn't say much about my talent though)

Is it better than 7? Whats your opinion. Email me at

letmetakeyoudown@gmail.com

This probbily won't herald many emails but worth a try

I chill out with Mike and Sam in the comfort of a very good quality microphone.

Well yea... Sorry I haven't posted sooner... I usually get my producer (oh don't I sound special) to put them up, but he has been busy. So here it is... #9... #9... #9...

The name says it all really... What more do you want from me?

Pitch gives a shout out to all you listeners and invites you to send him an e-mail or two.

Back to business with #6. Enjoy and peace out my brothers and sisters.

Sorry I haven't posted for a while but I promise that I will make #6 as soon as I can.

On a cold wet day in april... what is there to do?

Number 9...

A walk in the park with The Beatles, Drugs and Lesbians.

A rant about very different and obscure things.